Untitled

I sit in silence as I wonder.
I'm all alone as I ponder
About the past four years
And the built up fears.
I'm so detached from others.
My thoughts differ from another's.
I'm walkin' 'round as things go by;
They pass too fast to see me cry.
I'm totally alone with no one.
My living years I feel are done.
About my feelings no one does care;
They never let me talk or share.
I keep it all hidden inside me.
No one does ever care to see.
I watch the world go sailing by.
"I'm not a part of it," I sigh.
I sit silently just watchin'.
My feelings with none are matching.
I'm so far away from everything.
Do I really need to keep existing?
Help me now before I blow it;
I'll kill myself, I just know it.
I plead, I beg, I'm cryin' now.
Please help me, someone; I don't know how.
But NO ONE listens to my pleas;
The gun's in my hand, I'm on my knees.
It's at my head, I yell once more.
I pull the trigger and close the door.
No one has come to answer the yell.
I've committed suicide, I'll be in Hell.
I no longer keep myself aside;
I'm not looking out from inside.
Down here we are all equally designed;
Down here we are all just one kind.
Everyone listens, everyone cares,
They let me talk, everyone shares.
I no longer sit in silence as I wonder.
I'm no longer alone as I ponder.

Haiku

A shriveled petal
From a once blossomed flower
Falling, falling down.


 Spreading its dark wings
A gigantic bald eagle
Flaps by silently.


 Deep, deep in the sky
The sun gradually falls
Behind the mountains.


 Over the wintry
Forest, winds howl in rage
With no leaves to blow.


 The sun rises quickly.
The moon goes down slowly, meeting
Only for a second.


 A sprouting flower
Rises slowly on a hill
Alone in the dark.


 Spring Rain
In a big city
A downpour struck suddenly
In the dark evening.


 Wave
On a wild ocean
A wave comes and then it leaves
Late in the summer.

Untitled

My thoughts are dark;
They fill my head.
Down deep inside my brain
Images make their mark.
I wish I was dead
Because they show me much pain.
I lift my head at last;
The darkness overcomes me.
My eyes, its tears have cried.
My sorrow has passed.
But how can it be?
I've just thought of suicide.

Reminiscing

I remember what you've done for me,
And I begin to smile.
I then remember you had to leave,
And I wish you would've stayed a while.
But I know you had to go.
School was over for the summer.
We only shared one year together.
We've split; total bummer.


I wish I could have those days again,
But my life I must keep living.
I remember how you comforted me,
The friendship you kept giving.
I remember when I told you all.
You knew who I admired.
I remember how you helped me;
Of my requests you never tired.


I remembered how you found out
If he felt the same way too.
I remember how you told me
As I guessed rumor wasn't true.
I remember how you told me
To not waste my time on him.
I remember how I tried to get over it,
But you knew I still adored him.


I remember how good a friend you were,
Even when you were dating someone.
I remember some free time we had;
You always made me have fun.


I remember you by a certain song.
You might have told me the first lines, too.
I hope you remember me,
Cuz I remember you.

Feelings 2/28/95

I've become like stone,
Carved as an ice statue.
I sit here all alone.
My feelings are numb;
Thoughts in my head hum.
As I sit here and wait for you.


Have you also left me?
Did you decide on her, too?
I never expected her to be
All you could desire.
Maybe I'd be a liar
To say I belong with you.


My heart fills with sadness
As I realize what is true.
Maybe this is just a guess,
But everyone I know
Chose her, too.
Is it the same with you?


Deserted is how I feel.
Other words come to mind.
I hope my heart can heal.
You've left me by lying.
I'm hurt, alone, crying.
Peace I hope to find.


As long as I wait for you
Life goes on around me.
But there's nothing I can do
To make my heart heal
And help me to feel.
My old self I can't be.


It wasn't only you to leave me.
No one else stayed by my side.
My friends with her had to be.
I am ignored by them.
I must not exist for them.
In who am I to confide?


Is there anyone as hurt as I?
By former friends' and lover's sh*t?
Sometimes I just wish to die.
I don't deserve what I get,
And it makes me upset
That I can do nothing about it.


She is everything they need,
So much more than I could be.
From her shadow must I be freed.
If I am to live much longer
I need to be stronger
To become my own special me.


I have faith I can do it alone.
I know no one will help me.
I already have my heart of stone.
Now no one can hurt me.
All I really need for me
Is thoughts of how it could be.

Untitled

My heart cries as he is gone.
My tears once flowing are done.
The sorrow filled me from morning till night.
My life is dark, he brought the light.
I pray right now to get one more sight.


I remember all we used to do.
I remember he said I love you.
He must have lied, but I said I didn't care.
I lied so to myself; my heart did tear.
I pull yer picture out just so I can stare.


I'll keep him safe in my heart.
In my mind we'll never part.
I cheer up to know that my life I still live.
I smile when I remember how I tried to forgive
His behavior so childish and primitive.